Today’s mission was to transport myself, my bicycle, and my bags from Copenhagen to Stockholm.
I ended up staying in Copenhagen for an extended length of time for a few reasons. First, I had hoped to do the short Iron Man on the 16th of August, so I got myself to Copenhagen in time for that. In the end I was feeling too run down with a cold and was still pretty tender from my fall a few days earlier, so I couldn’t race. Oh well, I guess I would just have to enjoy Copenhagen without excessive exertion… I could handle that.
Then I did some research into things to do and found that the Louisiana Literature Festival was being held at the prestigious Louisiana Museum of Modern Art near Copenhagen. Two authors of books I had just read (Roxane Gay, Rachel Cusk) were going to be at the Festival and I really wanted to check it out, as well as the museum. The problem was that didn’t start until the 21st, leaving me quite a bit of time to dawdle in CPH.
I thought I would try to do more day trips and such, but in the end I didn’t do much. I mostly explored Copenhagen. It was a nice change from having to wake early and cycle all day every day – not that that wasn’t lovely too, in it’s own way.
Anyways, back to the task at hand: getting from Copenhagen to Stockholm. I needed to be in Stockholm tonight as I am working as an assistant at the Stockholm International Water Institute’s World Water Week Conference. It’s gonna be so wet!
Even though I had a full week in Copenhagen to look into transporting myself to Stockholm (a solid 650 km away), of course, I didn’t check anything at all until 8 pm the night before.
I found that the Swedish, despite being a land of bicycle riders, seem to be very restrictive about letting bikes on their trains.
It actually ended up looking like I would have to abandon all hope of taking my bike with me to Stockholm and would instead have to get it shipped from Copenhagen to London (where I will be moving at the end of all this).
So, with this set as my plan I set off in the morning after checking out from my hostel and began what came to be the epic day that was today.
I think the best way to communicate the events is via timeline:
9:27
I was riding to the bike shop that opened at 9:30 am. In the direction I was travelling I saw a big sign that said: “coffee first.” I couldn’t agree more and made a b-line to that coffee shop. I chugged a cappuccino and prepared to do battle.
9:31
I went to bike shop number 1. I was told they don’t ship bikes but they do sell big cardboard boxes that bicycles are packed in when they get shipped. Then I was recommended to go to DHL or a similar shipping company.
9:50
Onto the DHL shop I went. DHL guy said it was possible to ship my bike to the UK, but I had to have it all packaged before bringing it to them to ship. On top of that it was very pricey. He quoted me nearly 500 euros. Not. Happening.
10:10
Next, I felt like it was perhaps worth going to speak to the ticket office in the Central station. I waited in the cue and grew more and more stressed as time ticked on.
When I spoke to the friendly assistant with a smile pasted to his face, and probably to his ass, he told me that it was essentially impossible to take bikes on trains in Sweden. What about the local trains, I asked. Perhaps, he said. Your best bet is to take the train to Malmö (which allows bikes since it is via Danish train line) and then talk to the office there.
I purchased a ticket to Malmö. I panicked a bit more when I couldn’t see any listing on the departure board for Malmö. This is because they only list the final destination – farther than Malmö – and I have no concept of Swedish geography.
10:47
I eventually sorted out that the train heading for Gothenburg was stopping in Malmö. I joined the ever increasing crowd waiting on the platform for the train that was running late.
When the train pulled in and people starting piling on, it was absolutely packed. I ran to the bike carriage and saw that people and bikes and carriages and babies were oozing out of every nook and cranny.
I ran further down and saw a slight gap in an entry way that was certainly not a bike carriage. I looked at the people inside and nodded at my bike and then up to the carriage. They seemed okay with me trying to jam in, so I did. Peanut butter and JAM.
10:56
Two stops later I was forced to get off the train to let others off and then more people got on and it was impossible for me to get back on.
I ran down the platform to the bike carriage. The scene was even more desperate there.
I implored the train inspector to let me on. She said it was impossible. I asked how I was going to get to Malmö and she just said this is the train to Malmö. YEA I KNOW WOMAN. I mean, after this one – that I am clearly not getting on – how will I ever get there?!
Oh, there will be another train in a few minutes.
Oh, okay.
A few minutes later, a train pulled up nearly empty. I strolled on with my bike and rode on toward Malmo.
11:30
I explained my situation to a security guard in Malmö Central and he sent me to the Local train ticket office.
11:32
I took a number and waited at the Local train ticket office.
11:34
I got to speak to an agent at the Local train ticket office.
11:35
Agent at local train ticket office told me to go inquire at the National train ticket office. Aka- the high speed trains that I knew for a fact do not let assembled bicycles on board.
11:37
I spoke with an agent at the National train ticket office. She was more helpful. She did seem concerned about my ultimate goal. There are certain dimensions of bag you have to have your folded bike in. Even if you do have you bike folded in a bag of the correct dimensions, there is no guarantee it will fit because it depends if there is space. My best bet would be to try getting on wagon 7 if I did.
Oh, I would try.
11:40
Riding my bike like a maniac to the nearest bicycle shop in Malmö to try to get it disassembled and put inside a bag.
11:45
I reached the first bike shop, which turned out to be a hipster bike café and shop. It did have a little repair shop in the back and I spoke to them about my situation.
They couldn’t do it that day – were completely booked up. They did recommend another bike shop near that may be able to.
11:56
I rode on to the next bike shop that, luckily, was just opening at noon.
12:00
I had struck gold! It was a calm and helpful store. The guy there looked for his smallest bike box, helped me take the wheels off, pannier rack off, seat off, twist the handlebars in line with the frame, etc. etc. We jammed the bike and all it’s accoutrement into the box.
He taped it up.
I paid a small fee for this life-saving service.
How the hell was I going to carry this?
This was a cardboard box the size of a human body. Dimensions: 140 x 85 x 50 cm. Good god.
12:25
I waddled out of the store with my pannier bags slung over my shoulder and carrying the human sized box. Bike shop guy recommended I take the bus back to the Central station. The bus stop was around the corner and couldn’t have been more than 2- to 300 meters.
The first 100 or so meters I was feeling alright with my new package. The bike itself is not heavy. It was the extreme awkwardness of the package it was in. The way the handle holds were placed it was very uncomfortable.
12:30
I made it to the bus stop. Setting the massive human sized box down, an old Swedish woman began talking to me and gesticulating at human sized box.
I told her I didn’t speak Swedish, only English. She said her too…
Turns out she had lived in New York for 40 years. Anyways, she was very… interesting.
12:33
Guy from bicycle store comes ripping around the corner on his bike and stops beside me. He held out his hand and lying there in his palm were my pedals. Phew! I slipped them into the human sized box through the handle holes.
12:36
Bus arrived. I got on through the middle door as suggested by the bike guy.
I will admit I did not pay for the bus. No one inquired about my ticket and I didn’t get checked.
Phew, again.
12:53
I got off the bus at Central Station. Hauled myself, my bags and human sized box into the station. I can’t even begin to express the emotions flowing through me at this time. I was nervous, slightly panicked, teetering on the edge of hangry, but 100% resolved I was making it on the train.
12:55
I walked up to the same agent as before at the National train ticket office. I pointed to the human sized box and said that my bike was now in a box that was within the required dimensions. She eyed the box suspiciously.
She said, again, that it depended on the service agents on the platform and how busy the train was.
In terms of a ticket, she said I could buy one, but it was quite expensive and if I didn’t get on it would be wasted.
Little did she know, I had already purchased a ticket online the night before. This was once I had resolved that I would ship my bike from Copenhagen in the morning before taking the high speed train from Copenhagen to Stockholm. I explained this and, miraculously, the same train that I had a ticket for was coming through Malmö at 14:10.
I inquired if there was one sooner, but she said the one at 13:10 was completely booked.
13:03
I decided to go check out the situation on the platform where the 13:10 train was leaving from. I made my way to the other end of the station and took the elevator down. I spoke to an SJ (Swedish National train brand) and explained. He first said that the dimensions of bike bags were listed on the website and to check there. I said I had checked and the box was fine. He said that it should be okay then. I asked about the mythical wagon 7 deal – oh yea, wagon 7 has lots of room.
So it seemed it would work and I would aim for wagon 7.
13:20
I arranged my things in the station hall near a bench and sat in a stupor for a few minutes. I realized I was on the verge of death by starvation. Okay, not quite, but I could’ve used some sustenance.
13:25
I walked to the kiosk to buy a few things. As I was walking back to my bench two security guards were lingering by my human sized box and talking on radios.
I ran over to explain it was mine, just hard to take with me into a shop. They were not pleased and told me not to leave my luggage alone.
Christ, it’s just a human sized box with a human in it. Relax.
13:34
I realized my notebook was full and I really wanted to be able to write while I was on the train. I mean, I had quite a bit of material to get down.
I dragged myself, my panniers, and my human sized box over to the book store (which was maybe 10 m away from where I was sitting) and walked right in. I did set the box down on the periphery of the store, but it didn’t stop the stares and hesitant “can I help you?” from the employee.
13:40
I had acquired a new notebook. I had dragged myself, panniers, and human sized box to the platform. The train was already there. It took me some time to confirm this, since I thought it was coming from Copenhagen. However, it turned out that there was a transfer in Malmö and that this train at Platform 6 was indeed THE train.
The doors were still locked so we couldn’t board yet. There were no SJ employees wandering around that I could talk to about my human sized box situation.
I peered in through the dirtied windows of wagon 7 trying to get a glimpse inside and plan my moves. It honestly didn’t look that spacious. Shit. And this was wagon 7 for god sake!
13:55
Time ticked on and more and more people were flooding the platform to get ready to board. One wheelchair and one stroller hovered around the door to wagon 7. Oh, it’s on. I glanced at them, sizing up the competition.
I should preface this: when I was inquiring the second time with the agent at the National train ticket office, she said boarding with a bike would be dependent on if there were wheelchairs booked.
NOW, I understand that the person in a wheelchair is a PERSON and not a bike in a human sized box – but I desperately hoped that I could get on despite a wheelchair being booked.
13:57
Considered using my Dad’s suggested line if confrontation occurred: “This is my emotional support bike.”
And if they had an issue that my bike was in a box, not a bag, I would use the line from the bike ship guy: “My box identifies as a bag.”
14:00
I noticed people further down the platform are entering the train. People swarmed toward our door, myself included, and someone pushed the button. Pressure released in a hiss and the door slid open.
First, the stroller couple got on. I had whittled myself next in the line, feeling quite bad because there was no service person there to help the wheelchair on.
But, this was a time to be cut throat and to muscle my way on. I had my panniers over both shoulders and hugged the human sized box while lifting it up the steps. I looked around before I pushed it on and may have seen a service person coming toward the door, but I just carried on. I would rather do it and then plead guilty than miss a spot!
On the train there was a great deal of jigging and jagging and jigsaw puzzling, but I got the bike box standing up on its end in a corner where it wasn’t blocking anything and the stroller wedged in next to it. There was plenty of room for the wheelchair once helped on.
I couldn’t believe it.
14:04
I loitered by my human sized box waiting to be told I couldn’t have it on the train.
14:05
Considered whether I should go sit in my assigned seat (which was in the next wagon over) or stay there with human sized box.
14:06
Nervously glancing out the window to monitor the service person standing by the door. I figured if there was an issue, surely it would have been addressed by now.
Or maybe they just hadn’t seen my massive package yet!
14:08
I went to my seat and hoped for the best.
14:10
The whistle blew and we were off to Stockholm.
14:14
Walked back to wagon 7 to check that my human sized box was still there.
14:15
It was!
14:16
Finally, I sat back and relaxed.
Though, I continued to sporadically check on my bike throughout the train ride because we had a few stops and I was nervous someone would just throw it off the train.
18:41
I arrived in Stockholm. I can’t believe I made it.
What’s more is that over the nearly 5 hour duration of the trip, I was not asked to produce my ticket once.
18:43
I am taking a bloody cab to the hostel.
Over the next week I will be quite busy with the World Water Week Conference, but there is sure to be good material welling up (get it?) here and there, which I will regale readers with.
P.S.
I have one week to figure out how to get human sized box from Stockholm to London. But, this time, I know to start planning early!
An Idiot Broad Abroad 
What a challenging day! You did it…..fantastic!!!!!
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