Three Idiot Broads Abroad

It has been far too long since my last post… yet again. I apologize to my millions of fans and followers. The fact of the matter is I have simply been busy having way too much fun in Scotland.

I am no longer alone though, I am in the wonderful company of Zoë and Nicole – and our idiocy continues to reach new bounds. Well, really, my idiocy. For their comedic relief.

We spent a few days in Edinburgh to start off our Scotland tour. Unfortunately, Nicole was quite under the weather and stayed in bed most of the time. Zoë and I rambled around town trying to pack it all in.

DOE: Dog of Edinburgh

We saw the Castle, tested far too many Scottish beers and whiskeys, and tasted lots of yummy food. The day before leaving Edinburgh Zoë was quite sure she had acquired the same plague-like disease as Nicole. This was confirmed to her waking up with her head feeling like it was in a fishbowl the next morning.

And then there was one…

We loaded ourselves up and headed for the train station to get us from Edinburgh to Crianlarich.

Our bed and breakfast in Crianlarich had two rooms: one with two single beds (dubbed the “quarantine room”) and one with a double. I slept marvellously in peace and solitude hoping I wouldn’t wake up with whatever the other two had. Next door, Zoë and Nicole wheezed and hacked into fitful sleeps. The next day we were set to hike for 26 km…

Day 1: Crianlarich to Inverarnan

The majority of the day was precipitation free – which is something we were obviously hoping for – but not at all expecting. The trail started with a short and challenging climb but then flattened out for the rest of the day.

We made it relatively unscathed after our first day. Moments before we walked into the Inverarnan Hotel the skies opened up and it began to lash down with rain.

Spirits were high once we had showered and prepared our bodies to head down to the hotel restaurant for dinner. First though, Nicole assembled her mobile pharmacy / naturopathic remedies for me to document. She is all-world in the amount of salves, creams, balms, lotions and tablets she has ingested over the course of her illness. I think she has single-handedly kept the Health store near our Edinburgh Airbnb in business.

Dinner unfolded much like a Fawlty Towers episode.

We pre-ordered our meals as specified by the hotel management upon checking in – as it was busy and they didn’t want their kitchen overloaded.

Immediately once we sat down for dinner a young ‘Manuel’-like waiter was hovering around our table and taking our orders. He came back instantly with our drinks and proceeded to throw them down on the table with a curt, “there it is.”

Our appetizers materialized just as quickly and in just an abrupt manner. We laughed a little and enjoyed our drinks and appies.

Then… the waiting began.

Around us the little dining room was abuzz with action. The waiter ran around serving tables with militant efficiency. We waited some more.

Nicole hadn’t ordered an appetizer and was bordering dangerously between hangry and murderous. I was two pints in after walking nearly 30 km and having only had some salad. I thought I would try to order the table some bread while we continued to wait.

The result was disastrous. Had I known the wrench I would be throwing in Manuel’s plan, I would never had done it.

In any case, I did ask and the following occurred. He was unsure what exactly I meant by bread, first of all. I sort of motioned at the centre of the table and kept saying bread and butter. Once he sorted that, he asked if we wanted it after our main course. No, no – not after our main course. Slightly underestimating the small size of the dining room, the close proximity of our fellow diners, and the volume of my voice, I loudly said “right now.”

Now, in my defence – I did not intend for this to be rude or aggressive in any way. Rather, it was more of sarcastic exasperation that he didn’t understand what time a bread basket should be delivered. As Manuel walked away with his orders Zoë and Nicole absolutely lambasted me and said that the whole table across the room was watching this all unfold.

We continued to wait.

Our main courses arrived.

Then, the bread came.

I demanded that we had to eat all the bread after what I had done. We crammed all the bread into our mouths.

After dinner we ordered some whiskies to sip on in the lounge next to the dining room. I won’t even go into the challenge of asking Manuel for a drink in one room to then consume in another room.

When we walked into the lounge, a couple parties from dinner were also there enjoying drinks. After only a minute of conversation I was called out for my bread basket incident with much laughter and mocking. I will forever be reminded of the Inverarnan bread incident.

DOTD

Day 2: Inverarnan to Kinlochleven

Day 2 was a day indeed. 33 km of walking is a shit ton of walking.

Not to mention is was absolutely tippin’ it when we left. We had about 12 km to cross an openly exposed glen. The wind was ripping through the valley and the rain was hitting us sideways from the left. At least our right sides stayed dry!

When we arrived at our hotel and found that our room was at the top of a steep set of stairs, the final climb was the real Devil’s staircase.

DOTDIJ: Dogs of the Day in Jackets

Day 3: Kinlochleven to Fort William

Spirits were not so high come day three. We were tired, our feet and bodies ached, Zoë was quite run down and Nicole was hacking and hocking like a pro. It was pretty disgustingly nerve wracking being the only healthy individual in this mix.

The rain lashed down as we set out into the forest for the last day of our West Highland Way adventure.

The first leg of the trail was under thick canopy so we weren’t exposed to much wet and cold. However, once we emerged from the climb and were traversing along a sidewall of a valley we were subjected utterly to the elements.

Zoë, in her genius, decided to wait until her leggings were soaked through to put on her rain pants.

DOTDIAP: Dog of the day in a pub

Next steps…

Waking up today in time for full Scottish breakfast at our Fort William B&B was a challenge. However, we picked ourselves up by our bootstraps and carried our shell-like selves down to breakfast.

I had to stay in town today to do some work while Zoë and Nicole collected our rental car and drove to Loch Ness. I wasn’t too jealous having to miss out because I have been to Loch Ness before.

My only concern for the remainder of the trip is that Zoë is the only one of us who knows how to drive standard – however, she hasn’t done so in years. I fell asleep last night to the sound of her watching “How To” videos of driving standard in the UK.

If we live through it, tomorrow we will be taking the ferry from Ullapool to Stornaway on Lewis and Harris.